2005 CheeseburgerBrown Reading Guide

Due in large part to the overwhelming success of my lark-blog, The Darth Side: Memoirs of a Monster, I have received several hundred e-mails over the past few weeks asking for more examples of my creative typing. In response I have decided to boil down some of my recent output into a handy cross-genre reading guide, so that the uninitiated might browse according to their interests. Without further ado, then:

Two Moments of Invention
A science-fiction short story taking place in a near-future in which the interconnectedness and omnipresence of communications media have created a culture of shameless voyeurism, enforced trust, and no secrets. This story was the winner of the infamous and never to be repeated Fiction Challenge held on Kuro5hin in 2003.

Hot Dog: A Frank Story
If non-fiction is more your taste why not sample my irreverent history of the frankfurter, from Homer to Oscar Mayer, covering such divisive issues as who coined the term "hot dog", who standardized the milk-bun, and whether or not the Roman Empire banned them on account of their phallic resemblance. (See also my histories of cheeseburgers and poutine.)

The Trimester Reports
If you are a parent, an expectant parent or a reluctant parent, check out my first-hand reports from the trenches of fatherhood, detailing the conception, expectoration and subsequent raising of my young daughter, Ingrid. The most recently issued report describes her entry into the world of "the terrible twos." if you think the entire subject is duller than nails, bear in mind this is a CheeseburgerBrown take on the affair and the tone is unique.

Traffic Zoology
My massively popular introduction into the world of multi-car emergent zoomorphia, published in the anthology Traffic Life (Stephen Wehner, Ed.) and excerpted in Who Let The Blogs Out? by Blogger's own Biz Stone. This is a dense and fanciful overview of automotive self-organization.

Lonely Cowboys
Short attention span? Low-brow taste? This short story is for you.

What Art Is
An essay on the true nature of fine art. In contrast to most offerings on the subject, this piece has been specifically designed to avoid nauseating the audience.

The Sweet Funk of Revenge
A true story from life detailing a series of humorous encounters with a crazed Mediterranean man who used to throw gobs of shit at my window.

Lipgloss Gypsy
Another true story from life, this time detailing how I once shacked up in Montreal with a drug-crazed nymphomaniac Gypsy-girl.

Ode to Littlestar
This is the true story of how I met and wed my wonderful wife.

Another example of fanfic writing, this is the unauthorized biography of Wile E. Coyote, detailing his eventual conquest of the Road-Runner and his subsequent spiral into self-destruction until being saved by finding religion. (I know it sounds stupid but it's very popular, so there must be something to it.)

Weird Flotsam
To conclude, one more science-fiction short story, this time set in a distant future in which the nature of human physiology has changed to the point where it is hard for people to understand how they might have been related to people like us.

If you enjoy what you read here today, please pass it on: link me up. Also, I always enjoy hearing feedback from readers, complimentary or damning, so don't hesitate to write to me if you want to chew the fat. Finally, if you would like to directly support the further creation of work like this, buy a copy of my new storybook 17 Drawings now available through Lulu, or click on the PayPal donation button in the right-hand column of this page.

Thank you for your readership. Rock on, world.


suanie said...

Perhaps a paperback version of Darth V's memoirs?

I'm sure this has been suggested before; I'm just writing to back it up.

After all if Adrian Mole could do it...

Mandrill said...

I'll add my two-pence worth to this and heartily reccomend Two Moments of Invention and Traffic Zoology

anomdebus said...

You have no reason to remember me, but I am a fan from my K5 days.
I enjoyed your Darth Side blog and just subscribed to the RSS, and lo and behold, you were behind it.

Dave said...

just finished the Darthside blog.

truly well done, sir.

thanks for doing this.

Sirius Green said...

I'm definitely looking forward to catching up with those when I finish uni in a week or so. Loved the Darth blog as much as the next guy, so I have quite some anticipation of your other stuff.

All the best,


Carol Danvers said...

Just read your final installment over the Darth Side blog, and I'm crying at my desk right now. Beautiful stuff, especially after just seeing Revenge of the Sith. I also like The 25 Day Loaf and the story about LittleStar - I am infinitely jealous of your writing style. I wish I wasn't, but there ya go...

argan0n said...

Love your prose and the camber you put on things. You've a good talent for not insulting the reader. Smacks of Roger Zelazny's work (sf/fantasy) where he decided one day to write with _intelligent_ readers in mind... You capture that spirit well.
Best of luck in all things. I'll certainly keep an eye out for any printed works.

diffgirl said...

You must get bored by this, and i hate to fall into clich├ęs.. but i just turned into your fan.

Haven't read everything, but hope you get sponsored for all this (or are decently hired).

Um, may the Force be with you.
(now i'm doing it again)

SquirrleyMojo said...

hey cheese, how much did you get paid for your DV blog & how did you get the hook up?

SquirrleyMojo said...

oh, and where'd you get your MFA?

Cheeseburger Brown said...


I got my MFA from a dumpster behind the library. It had some coffee stains on it, but I flattened it out between two books and it is otherwise servicable.



Chainz said...

I loved the Darth Side and just read Two Moments of Invention and liked that too. I can't wait to check out more of your stuff. And I echo the calls for Darth Side to be published.

Keep it up.

Andre said...

Has anyone ever, actually donated money to you? That's one bad-ass scam! I gotta get one of those on my blog too!

NolaPete said...

Just finished Lipgloss Gypsy and as usual enjoyed in thoroughly. I've been a devoted fan since I stumbled across the Darth Side. Thanks for opening your window and throwing out a line to the world. If you published something like Short Stories by CheeseburgerBrown, I'd buy it.

bij013 said...

hey,,, genius writings! ^:)^

can i link you up?


Skaught said...

The Darth Blog was recommended in a spasm of post-Ep3 forum messages, and I'm floored. At first it was just funny, but by the end (10 minutes ago) I'm inspired to quietly, illegally induct your work into my private museum of Star Wars canon.

As far as I'm concerned, these ARE the thoughts of Darth Vader.

Y're now b'marked, CheeseburgerBrown. I'll read the rest, and spend where necessary.

Anonymous said...

I just read the extra material in the Darth Side .pdf, it's filled with coruscating brilliance but I suppose that's par for the course.

I've also enjoyed your essay about r2d2's seemingly inescapble connection to the force. I've particularly enjoyed reading Darth Side and seeing little flashes of that essay.

In much of the star wars expanded universe it seems that quality has taken a back seat (there are of course some shining counterexamples here but I think that lucasfilms would do well to harness you for their next endeavor. I understand that there is going to be a tv show and a continuation of the animated series. In the very least they should peg you to write an official book.


Anonymous said...

Wow. I'd never read the littlestar story before, nor the shit-flinging-neighbor story. The latter will leave me laughing all day. :)